Journal Entry # 5 : Ordinary Me

My mother shares the satisfaction
Of my success
My father shares the pride
Of my achievement
None shares me for me
And in that I am alone

Their eyes
Looking at a prodigy
Not seeing the child
Their ears
Hearing the accolades
Not listening to the cries

The next Einstein
They want me to be
The next Mozart or Picasso
They call out to me
None wants me to just be me
And in that I am alone

I see other children
Like me
Unlike me
Running towards the future
Of uncertainty

I long to be with them
For they belong to a simpler life
I loath to be with them
For they represent what I cannot have

To watch Spongebob
And not be appalled by the idiocy
To read Harry Potter
And not fret about philosophy
To be common and not extraordinary
To be all this
Is a dream to me

Promises (from a husband)

I wanted to, I swear I do
But I’ve got so much work to do
Come on dear, don’t look so blue.
You do understand, don’t you?

Of course I remember
That promise I made
Long ago during our courtship
Come on dear
Stop pouting those lips
It is, after all
just a silly trip

I promise dear
We’ll go next year.
Just you and me, alone together
Now, now dear
No need for that sneer
I won’t forget
like I did last year

Since I couldn’t
Get you the real deal.
I did the next best thing,
I’m giving you a glimpse.
Happy birthday darling!

Wish you were here...not! (To a friend)

Wish you were here
To see and feel
The beautiful sun, all shiny and bright
The wind softly caressing our tresses
The warm grains of sand beneath our feet
Schools of fish swimming merrily

But,
If you were here
You’ll only see and feel
The sun burning your skin
The wind messing up your hair
The sand getting stuck in your pants
The fish nipping your toes

When
You seek the wrong in all that’s right
And fill my ears with all your moans
You’ll push away tranquil and calm
I realise then that
I didn’t want you here at all


So,
Hear me now
Slayer of peace
Go back from whence you came
And leave me in heavenly bliss!

Missing you (From a secret admirer/friend)

The day he left
A part of you went with him
You tightly sealed your heart
And pushed me away

I find myself
lost without you
I find myself
missing you

I miss the way
you tuck those wayward strands
behind your ears
I miss the way
the room lit up when you smile
I miss the way
my heart skipped a beat
when you caught my eye

Wake up dearest
See the world through my eyes
Feel the music inside
Set yourself free

Memories (To an old friend)

Remember those nights
at the Cotton Club?
Where we danced all night
Till the break of dawn?

Remember those nights
at the Cotton Club?
When we swing, we jived
Away from our troubles
Stamping our feet
On our misery?

Remember those nights
at the Cotton Club?
Where the dance floor bound us
Our limbs tightly wound together
As we moved to the same beat

Those nights are no more
Swallowed by the passing time
But the memory of it lives on
At the back of our mind
Like a revered shrine

A piece of me

My mother hates you
My father avoids you
But you're most precious to me
My sanctuary
Where I can be me

My little piece of heaven
Your walls kept me safe
Standing guard as I roam the world
Knowing I will come back down to Earth
Always

What no one understand is
Every piece of trash
Every chipped paint
Every scribbles on the wall
Every part of you is me

I came back the other day
And was shocked
They've changed you
Painted over our memories
Now will you change me?

Suddenly it rained
And you slyly let drops of it
Fell on me
I let out a sigh
You're still you
I'm still me.

Creating a character

Seth heaved a heavy sigh. It was such a tiring day. Seth threw his worn leather jacket on the couch. That jacket was his oldest friend, bought with his first paycheck. Seth always wore the jacket on assignments, somehow he felt vulnerable without it. It’s worn out now and a little faded, but like an old loyal dog, it still serve Seth faithfully, keeping the chills off his bones as he went around doing his duties.

Seth spied the business card partially hidden under the rug. He snorted. That card was the root of his annoyance. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Megan and her stubborn inquisitive streak are also to blame. If only she hadn’t snooped around his stuff even when she knows he hates it when she does that. That’s just who she is, inquisitive, curious. He knew that card was trouble the first time Boss suggested it. But the first rule of the business is what the Boss wants, the Boss gets. No point arguing about it unless you want to swim with the fishes. Besides, Boss thinks it added a touch of class to the profession. Seth thought they should stick to the old ways, let business come through word of mouths. No need to go around flaunting the card to advertise their services. Everyone in the West Coast knows that if you wanna get something done right, you get Seth to do it.

Anyway, if Megan hadn’t found the card, she never would’ve started asking questions. It’s not like Seth’s ashamed of his job. Heck, no! His real proud about it but over the years Seth realized that if you want to keep out of jail, you keep your mouth shut around women lest they go babbling about it to the neighbours. Women can't be trusted, look what happen to Bugsy. Next thing you know, the cops will swarm all over you. When Megan started to ask questions, Seth did the only logical thing. It wasn't that hard, really. He’s been doing it so long that he could do it without any conscious thought.

The phone beeped. Seth read the incoming message. The Boss wants to see him. He’s got a new gig. Seth got up, grabbed his jacket and walked pass the dimly lit bedroom. Megan was sprawled on the bed. She looked like she was sleeping, the shadow of the room partially hidden her grotesque expression. Something glittered on her neck. Seth knew what it was a silver necklace and locket with the inscription “Seth and Megan forever”. She had made him bought for her last Christmas; it had cost him a small fortune. “Forever sure was short!” he chuckled to himself. He wondered if he could sell it or maybe he could have it melted down to make a new ring for that bartender he met last week. No point in wasting good jewellery. He’s gonna have to take care of the body later, he need to see Boss first. Seth started humming to himself and walked out the door.