Journal entry #6

This is a picture of my best friend. I took it when we went out during the semester break. We haven’t seen each other for a while so we decided to go to Gunung Lambak, a recreation spot near our hometown. As it was still quite early in the day, there was only one restaurant opened for business and we were the only customers there. The restaurant was surrounded by trees, giving off an aura of tranquility. We chose a secluded place to sit so we wouldn’t be disturbed. I had earlier realized that she didn’t seem to have spared a thought for her clothes. She had on her black rimmed spectacles, her favourite old red sweater with an old T-shirt underneath. It was as if she just rolled out of bed, grabbed the sweater and tudung, then dash out the door. Turns out, I wasn't far from the truth. She sheepishly told me that the shirt had indeed doubled as her "pajamas". She had an inkling that her mom was about to assign some chores to her, so she quickly sneaked out of the house to avoid them. I was the unwilling accomplice in her “Great Escape”. We spent the time chatting about old times and catching up on the latest news. I was engrossed with the conversation but all the while I was thinking of snapping a candid photo of her to remember the moment. While she was taking the last few sips of her drinks, I took out my phone and got ready. She looked down at her soon to be finished drink, chewing the straw. I called her name, she looked up and I quickly snapped her picture. Her exasperated shouts and threats of not giving me a ride home is well worth it. It may not have been her best moment, but it was her most honest. The picture is a constant reminder of what friendship is all about, giving us the freedom to be confident and comfortable in our own skin.

Journal Entry # 5 : Ordinary Me

My mother shares the satisfaction
Of my success
My father shares the pride
Of my achievement
None shares me for me
And in that I am alone

Their eyes
Looking at a prodigy
Not seeing the child
Their ears
Hearing the accolades
Not listening to the cries

The next Einstein
They want me to be
The next Mozart or Picasso
They call out to me
None wants me to just be me
And in that I am alone

I see other children
Like me
Unlike me
Running towards the future
Of uncertainty

I long to be with them
For they belong to a simpler life
I loath to be with them
For they represent what I cannot have

To watch Spongebob
And not be appalled by the idiocy
To read Harry Potter
And not fret about philosophy
To be common and not extraordinary
To be all this
Is a dream to me

Promises (from a husband)

I wanted to, I swear I do
But I’ve got so much work to do
Come on dear, don’t look so blue.
You do understand, don’t you?

Of course I remember
That promise I made
Long ago during our courtship
Come on dear
Stop pouting those lips
It is, after all
just a silly trip

I promise dear
We’ll go next year.
Just you and me, alone together
Now, now dear
No need for that sneer
I won’t forget
like I did last year

Since I couldn’t
Get you the real deal.
I did the next best thing,
I’m giving you a glimpse.
Happy birthday darling!

Wish you were here...not! (To a friend)

Wish you were here
To see and feel
The beautiful sun, all shiny and bright
The wind softly caressing our tresses
The warm grains of sand beneath our feet
Schools of fish swimming merrily

But,
If you were here
You’ll only see and feel
The sun burning your skin
The wind messing up your hair
The sand getting stuck in your pants
The fish nipping your toes

When
You seek the wrong in all that’s right
And fill my ears with all your moans
You’ll push away tranquil and calm
I realise then that
I didn’t want you here at all


So,
Hear me now
Slayer of peace
Go back from whence you came
And leave me in heavenly bliss!

Missing you (From a secret admirer/friend)

The day he left
A part of you went with him
You tightly sealed your heart
And pushed me away

I find myself
lost without you
I find myself
missing you

I miss the way
you tuck those wayward strands
behind your ears
I miss the way
the room lit up when you smile
I miss the way
my heart skipped a beat
when you caught my eye

Wake up dearest
See the world through my eyes
Feel the music inside
Set yourself free

Memories (To an old friend)

Remember those nights
at the Cotton Club?
Where we danced all night
Till the break of dawn?

Remember those nights
at the Cotton Club?
When we swing, we jived
Away from our troubles
Stamping our feet
On our misery?

Remember those nights
at the Cotton Club?
Where the dance floor bound us
Our limbs tightly wound together
As we moved to the same beat

Those nights are no more
Swallowed by the passing time
But the memory of it lives on
At the back of our mind
Like a revered shrine

A piece of me

My mother hates you
My father avoids you
But you're most precious to me
My sanctuary
Where I can be me

My little piece of heaven
Your walls kept me safe
Standing guard as I roam the world
Knowing I will come back down to Earth
Always

What no one understand is
Every piece of trash
Every chipped paint
Every scribbles on the wall
Every part of you is me

I came back the other day
And was shocked
They've changed you
Painted over our memories
Now will you change me?

Suddenly it rained
And you slyly let drops of it
Fell on me
I let out a sigh
You're still you
I'm still me.

Creating a character

Seth heaved a heavy sigh. It was such a tiring day. Seth threw his worn leather jacket on the couch. That jacket was his oldest friend, bought with his first paycheck. Seth always wore the jacket on assignments, somehow he felt vulnerable without it. It’s worn out now and a little faded, but like an old loyal dog, it still serve Seth faithfully, keeping the chills off his bones as he went around doing his duties.

Seth spied the business card partially hidden under the rug. He snorted. That card was the root of his annoyance. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Megan and her stubborn inquisitive streak are also to blame. If only she hadn’t snooped around his stuff even when she knows he hates it when she does that. That’s just who she is, inquisitive, curious. He knew that card was trouble the first time Boss suggested it. But the first rule of the business is what the Boss wants, the Boss gets. No point arguing about it unless you want to swim with the fishes. Besides, Boss thinks it added a touch of class to the profession. Seth thought they should stick to the old ways, let business come through word of mouths. No need to go around flaunting the card to advertise their services. Everyone in the West Coast knows that if you wanna get something done right, you get Seth to do it.

Anyway, if Megan hadn’t found the card, she never would’ve started asking questions. It’s not like Seth’s ashamed of his job. Heck, no! His real proud about it but over the years Seth realized that if you want to keep out of jail, you keep your mouth shut around women lest they go babbling about it to the neighbours. Women can't be trusted, look what happen to Bugsy. Next thing you know, the cops will swarm all over you. When Megan started to ask questions, Seth did the only logical thing. It wasn't that hard, really. He’s been doing it so long that he could do it without any conscious thought.

The phone beeped. Seth read the incoming message. The Boss wants to see him. He’s got a new gig. Seth got up, grabbed his jacket and walked pass the dimly lit bedroom. Megan was sprawled on the bed. She looked like she was sleeping, the shadow of the room partially hidden her grotesque expression. Something glittered on her neck. Seth knew what it was a silver necklace and locket with the inscription “Seth and Megan forever”. She had made him bought for her last Christmas; it had cost him a small fortune. “Forever sure was short!” he chuckled to himself. He wondered if he could sell it or maybe he could have it melted down to make a new ring for that bartender he met last week. No point in wasting good jewellery. He’s gonna have to take care of the body later, he need to see Boss first. Seth started humming to himself and walked out the door.

Journal Entry #4 : The Fasting Month

The month of Ramadan is here again. We’ve been fasting for almost two weeks now. Wow! Halfway there already…how time flies when you’re having fun...right… It should be how time flies when you’ve got assignments to finish or how time flies when you’re cramming for quizzes, how time flies when, well, you’ve got the idea. Well, just the other day Mr Jaferi told us to write something, anything about the fasting month. I’ve been staring at the screen for several hours now, trying to come up with something. At the rate I’m going I now, I don’t think I’ll finish by sahur time. Sigh…such perfect timing for writer’s block. I’m going back to balik kampong tomorrow…(oops, it’s already pass 12 midnight so technically it’s today) to celebrate the fasting month with my family. And I don’t plan on thinking about this blog or any other work while I’m away so I have to finish writing this blog entry by…well, by now actually.

It would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to go home today, but I’ve already promised my mum I would. Way before the start of the fasting month she had expertly and cunningly extracted a promise from me that I would spend at least 1 weekend at home during Ramadan, excluding the time off we get before Raya of course. I guess if it was up to her, she would want me to come home every weekend. Tempting…but then again Ramadan is all about fighting temptations so I have to be strong. Sure, being home means you don’t have to wander aimlessly back and forth the Bazaar Ramadan, trying to decide what to eat and controlling yourself from buying literally everything. But the bazaar does have its charm. Nothing spells human camaraderie better than mingling your bucketfuls of sweats with hundreds of other people, all aiming for the same thing, something to quench the thirst and satisfy the hunger. As you shuffle your way through inch by inch, following the delicious aroma of the absurdly priced char kuey teow, you started to think that nothing helps to hone your patience like spending time at the bazaar. Not that ridiculously well organized and spacious one at section 17 mind you. Everyone having their own breathing space, every stall neatly arranged, where’s the fun in that? The one at section 18’s the real deal. Stalls arranged along a strip of road so narrow that it’s not uncommon to find yourself being suddenly accosted by other people’s arms,hips,shoulders and rear ends. Isn’t that exciting?

Speaking of bazaar Ramadan, I’ve listed some tips to make shopping experience more enjoyable:

1. There are usually two lanes of human traffic, going the opposite way from one end of the bazaar to the other. Choose the lane you wish to follow and brace yourself for the awesome ride.

2. If you'd missed the stall that you wish to stop at, stay in your lane until you get to the end, then follow the other one to go back to the stall. Think of the journey as a gastronomical experience.

3. Going against the flow of traffic is not reccomended. You could actually end up progressing much slower. Trying to push your way against the flow is like wrestling a brick wall.

4. Sometimes, when the traffic is heavy, a traffic jam may occur. This is when you find yourself stuck in one place, neither coming nor going. Stay calm and try to pass the time by daydreaming about what you’re going to have for berbuka puasa.

5. Be prepared for an attack on your senses, mainly sight, sound and smell. Amped up your defense or you could bite off more than you could chew.

6. If you’re looking for a bargain, go to the bazaar about 5 minutes before berbuka. Some give discounts, or if you’re lucky, you might get food stuff for free. (Try to act as if you’ve just finished your class. Students generally get more sympathy)

Journal entry #3 : Favourite Fictional Character

One of my favourite fictional characters is from Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, Rand al’Thor. I’ve followed the development of this character from the first book when he was just a young, naïve farmboy,to the 11^th book where he now held the power and influence equal to or more than a king.

Why I like him? Well, there are several reasons for that. One of them is the enigma surrounding him, like his origin for example. As a baby, he was found abandoned near a scene of a bloody battlefield. His adopted father Tham al’Thor found Rand’s dying mother and she entrusted Rand to his care. All that was known about her (at that time) was that she was one of those called the Maiden of the Spears, a group of highly skilled and much feared female warriors, and had fought bravely in the battle. Rand was the only survivor. Tham brought Rand home to a small isolated village called Emond’s Field and raised him as his own. No one else suspects anything much less Rand himself who was happy being a shepherd. When his village was attack however, Tham was forced to reveal the secret. Rand then decided to travel to seek his destiny and find out more about his parents.

Another aspect of him that I find both funny and frustrating is his love life. Early in the series, it was prophesied that he would fall in love with 3 very different women. A princess, a former Maiden of the Spears and a tomboy. The 3 women had known about the prophecy early on and they took some time to contemplate the situation and how to deal with it. However Rand had no idea about it and he often felt guilty and confused over his feelings for all 3 women whom he loved differently. He loved the princess Elayne, because of her beauty and grace. He loved the former warrior, Aviendha for her determination and courage and he loved Min because of her compassion and understanding. It’s funny that he could face an army of a thousand soldiers alone but he could never get the nerve to confront the women and discussed his feelings for them He could talk to head of nations and gets away with anything but he always felt awkward around the women and didn’t know how to handle them. In fact he often runs away from them, complicating his relationships much further. His background as a shepherd often makes him feel inferior to the women. Unbeknownst to him, the women felt more ill at ease around him because they felt that he is very smart and often gets the best of them, making them more helplessly in love with him. His clueless demeanor despite his confidence and courage in other aspects endear him to me as it shows the rare side of his insecurities despite his tough and confident appearance.

Being the reluctant savior of the world, Rand fought many battles with his trusted friends and allies at his side. One of his most powerful allies is the Maidens who felt strongly connected to him as his mother was one of them. What hurts him is when the Maidens died in battles. He understands that it was inevitable and the Maidens themselves consider it an honour to die for him. However he took it very hard and he vowed not to let another woman die for him. However, the Maiden consider it an insult when he would not let them fight for him. After every battle, he will go around the dead and commit the name of the dead Maidens into his heart. This way he felt that he could let them live on in his memories. He often recites the list of names to himself to remind himself the prize he has to pay for being a leader. I find this very fascinating because I see it is a jab at the leaders of the world. The soldiers are the ones sacrificing their lives for these leaders and their deaths are most often than not brushed aside by the leaders. Rand is always faced with the difficult choice of protecting his followers or letting them fight for him. A part of him recognizes the logic, they are in war and casualties are the norm. Yet he felt guilty for leading these people into their deaths. This did not make him any less efficient as a leader. Instead it made him a better one because he weights his every decision carefully for fear of making the wrong one and causing the deaths of his followers.

His followers either fear him or highly worship him. Those who are in the first category dare not defy him because they fear his temper while those who worship him are too in awe to question his actions. However there are a select few who sees him as a normal human being. They are not afraid to point out his mistakes and reproach him when he goes too far and unsurprisingly these are the people that he trusts the most. I like the fact that Rand did not let power cloud his judgement.

All in all, Rand is one of my favourite characters because of the different layers of his personality which at times confuse both his allies and enemies. At times he is a fearless leader who will stop at nothing to win the war, but he also fears for the safety of his family, friends and followers. Sometimes he is confident and knows exactly what he wants, while at other times he is clueless about what to do and doubts his ability. These conflicts make him real and relatable to the reader because these are common issues we deal with in our life regardless of who we are.

Journal entry #2 : A Tale Of Two Books

My love affair with books began at an early age. I don’t quite remember exactly when I was first introduced to books, but it must have been around age 1 or 2. Of course I couldn’t read on my own yet. My parents used to read for me. My first books were about Disney characters, Aladdin, Sleeeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White. They filled my mind with images of princesses, castles, magical creatures. I would go to my mum and make her read it. After she finished it, I would go up to my dad and make him read it. Then I would go to my mum again. I kept going back and forth between them. It used to drive them nuts. I guess anyone who had to read Cinderella for hundreds of times a day would go crazy too. It must have been quite a relief for them when I finally learn to read on my own.

My early years were filled with books from Enid Blyton. I didn’t have much choice in the matter actually because I lived in quite a small town and there are no major book retailers available. There are some small bookstores in my hometown but it mostly caters to revision books. The few storybooks that they do carry are those from Enid Blyton.

During this time, since I have no means of getting books on my own, I had to rely on my mum to satisfy my thirst for reading. She was an avid reader herself and has a collection of books from authors like Azizi Hj. Abdullah, A. Samad Said, Shahnon Ahmad and mostly from her favourite author Khadijah Hashim. One of the most important books for me comes from her collection. It is “Konserto Terakhir” by Abdullah Hussain. I first read it in primary school, probably around the age of 10, and immediately fell in love with it. It opens up a new world for me, a rich world of Malay Literature. The novel also marks my transition from reading children and teenage novels to reading more “mature” books. The novel is full of social comments, but naturally when you were 10 you have no idea about the underlying meaning of the novel. All I know is that the book is so beautifully written that I had a hard time putting it down. Over the years, I would go back to it again and again. Sadly, the book went missing several years ago so I had not the chance to relive the experience again. Soon after finishing the book,I immediately started to devour my mother’s collection and read books like Seorang Tua di Kaki Gunung and Saga. If I had not started with Konserto Terakhir, I would have probably never thought of reading the other books.

When I was in secondary school, I hate going to assemblies. So I used to hide out in the library, a damp dark place that noone hardly ever goes to. This is the setting of my encounter with the 2^nd book that is important to me. While browsing through the dusty shelves for something to read, I stumbled across a nondescript looking book titled “The Daughter of Time” by Josephine Tey. For lack of anything else to do in that tomb of a place,I started reading it. The story of a modern day detective trying to solve a mystery from hundreds of years ago is very intriguing. The book is important because it helped shape my interest for the historical fiction genre as well as fuelled my fascination with medieval England. Most of all, the book introduces me to one of the greatly misunderstood character in history, Richard III, a king of England who later became one of the most hated man in all of England. He has such an impact on the literary world that even Shakespeare wrote a play about him. He was the ultimate medieval villain. Shakespeare portrayed Richard as a grotesque monster and killer, and that is how the world in general views him. However in Daughter of Time, these misconceptions are challenged through historical evidences. Shakespeare served Queen Elizabeth whose grandfather took over the throne from Richard III. Of course he would paint the usurper in a favourable light. Historical truth has no chance when competing with the coveted favour of the queen. This book helped me realise that you can’t believe everything you read and that some author have no qualms about twisting facts to serve their needs.

Those are the two books that are very important to me, in regards to my reading habit. Konserto Terakhir helped me appreciate Malay Literature while The Daughter of Time teaches me that there are different sides of the so called history of the world. Some people may view certain events differently, so it's always good to keep your mind open, listen to all opinions and views and make the an informed, independent choice of your own.

High Fidelity

On 17 July, Mr Jaferi introduces us to a gem of a movie titled "High Fidelity". The movie stars John Cusack, Iben Hjejle, Jack Black and Catherine Zeta Jones among others. After watching the movie several questions were posted to us and below is my response to each of them :

1 . What is the movie about?

The movie is about Rob Gordon (John Cusack) a record store owner and how he deals with the problems of his love life. His girlfriend Laura had just broken up with him and this prompts him to examine his past relationships and his relationships never seem to work out. He wonders why his girlfriends left him and what had happened to them since then. He compiles a list of top 5 most memorable breakups and resolves to find these women.

Much to his surprise, after meeting these women, he began to question why he could’ve fallen in love with them in the first place. He finds that his ex girlfriends have changed after all these years. At first, he did not include Laura in the list. However, after an intense,explicit dream about Laura and a former neighbour, Ian, Laura’s name was added to the list. He then tries to get Laura back but his efforts were futile.

The critical turning point for the movie is when Laura’s father passed away. Laura’s mother never told her father about the breakup because he liked Rob. So Rob ended up getting invited to the funeral. After the service, Rob and Laura had a little fling in her car and decided she needed Rob in her life to help her cope with her grief and that it is not worth the effort for them not to date.

Rob on the other hand starts to mature and began to realize that his past relationships hadn’t worked because his attraction to them was superficial. They were his fantasies and as such he was blinded to their imperfections and negative side. His relationship with Laura is free of bias and prejudice, making their love and relationship real. He decided that his happiness with Laura far outweighs the sadness and conflicts. This realization prompts him to propose to Laura, signifying his maturity.

The movie also includes the story of Rob’s friends and employees, the unbearably obnoxious Barry and the much quieter Dick. Through most of the movie, they were often engaged in conversations about artists and music. The three of them were also shown as being judgemental to people based on their musical preferences.

2. How is it different from common fiction?

This movie is different from common fiction due to a number of reasons. First of all, the two lead characters, Rob and Laura, are not the typical run-of-the-mill type of characters. They are both flawed. They argue constantly and both had cheated on each other during their relationship. Laura was also depicted as rash when she aborted her baby when she and Rob were going through some tough times. This is not how a couple in a relationship would have behaved. Instead of being loving and romantic, their relationship was plagued with conflicts and insecurities. This in fact makes them believable because the audiences are able to relate to their problems and conflicts because it mimics the audiences’ own problems.

Another reason why the movie is different from common fiction is that it breaks the myth that a successful relationship runs smoothly and is free of problems. People in a perfect relationship generally agree with each other and live happily ever after. This film teaches us that everything need not be seen through rose coloured glass when you are in love. Every relationship will have its’ share of ups and downs. What is important is whether the relationship is worth fighting for.

The movie is also unique because it starts with a conflict. The first scene shows Laura breaking up with Rob and leaving the house. Most romantic movies or movies that deal with a love theme would have started with the main characters meeting each other and starting to fall in love. Instead, the couple in the movie broke up before the audience get the chance to know them, creating a sense of mystery as to the reason behind the conflict.

One more reason is that, for a romantic film, the male character is hardly lovable. He does not have Brad Pitt’s intense good looks or Johnny Depp’s quirkiness. Most women watching the movie would have rooted for Laura because it is easier to sympathise with her than Rob. He is too immature, selfish and a commitment phobe, qualities that does not endear him to the audience. His redeeming qualities only come near the end of the movie when he did some growing up, realised his mistake and admits to it.

3. Who is your favourite character? Why?

Rob Gordon is my favourite character. Although he may not be perfect and does not adhere to the stereotypical portrayal of a leading man, his imperfections are what makes him believable and human. He has issues with confidence, which is especially evident during his relationship with Charlie. He is in awe with Charlie’s intelligence and always feels he’s not good enough for her. He also struggles with low self esteem because he keeps questioning his sexual abilities and constantly seeks the approval of those he deemed to be better than him like Charlie. However, imperfect as he is, Rob struck a chord with the audience because he represent the real situations faced by everyday men his age, men not blessed with the charmed life of their Hollywood created counterpart.

Another reason why I like Rob is because he is willing to go on a journey of self discovery to better understand himself. Though he might not admit it, his readiness to examine his past relationships marks the beginning of his growing up process. He then realised that there is a fine line between love and infatuation. What he feels with Charlie is an infatuation because it’s superficial. He based his opinions on people based on their opinion on things and this is why he adores Charlie, she always like the right things. What he feels towards Laura is love because he is able to see both the good and bad sides of their relationship. He confesses to being partly responsible for his failed relationship because of his fear of commitment. His marriage proposal to Laura signifies that he is ready to move on and wants to commit himself to a relationship.

4. Provide an alternative ending to the movie.

A few weeks into their engagements, Laura finds herself pregnant. They were initially happy with the news, but later on Rob’s old insecurities began to resurface. He had just begun to build his record label and he did not feel that it was the right time for him to be saddled with the responsibility of being a father. Laura on the other hand feels that her life is stable enough for her to start a family. They begin to argue again and in the end Rob realised that although he was ready to marry Laura, he was not yet ready to be a father. Laura is hurt because she sees his action as a rejection and because she is tired of his insecurities. Rob continues working at his record store and building his record label. He stays single, has a string of commitment free relationships and realise that this lifestyle is what suits him at the moment.