The day he left A part of you went with him You tightly sealed your heart And pushed me away
I find myself lost without you I find myself missing you
I miss the way you tuck those wayward strands behind your ears I miss the way the room lit up when you smile I miss the way my heart skipped a beat when you caught my eye
Wake up dearest See the world through my eyes Feel the music inside Set yourself free
Seth heaved a heavy sigh. It was such a tiring day. Seth threw his worn leather jacket on the couch. That jacket was his oldest friend, bought with his first paycheck. Seth always wore the jacket on assignments, somehow he felt vulnerable without it. It’s worn out now and a little faded, but like an old loyal dog, it still serve Seth faithfully, keeping the chills off his bones as he went around doing his duties.
Seth spied the business card partially hidden under the rug. He snorted. That card was the root of his annoyance. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Megan and her stubborn inquisitive streak are also to blame. If only she hadn’t snooped around his stuff even when she knows he hates it when she does that. That’s just who she is, inquisitive, curious. He knew that card was trouble the first time Boss suggested it. But the first rule of the business is what the Boss wants, the Boss gets. No point arguing about it unless you want to swim with the fishes. Besides, Boss thinks it added a touch of class to the profession. Seth thought they should stick to the old ways, let business come through word of mouths. No need to go around flaunting the card to advertise their services. Everyone in the West Coast knows that if you wanna get something done right, you get Seth to do it.
Anyway, if Megan hadn’t found the card, she never would’ve started asking questions. It’s not like Seth’s ashamed of his job. Heck, no! His real proud about it but over the years Seth realized that if you want to keep out of jail, you keep your mouth shut around women lest they go babbling about it to the neighbours. Women can't be trusted, look what happen to Bugsy. Next thing you know, the cops will swarm all over you. When Megan started to ask questions, Seth did the only logical thing. It wasn't that hard, really. He’s been doing it so long that he could do it without any conscious thought.
The phone beeped. Seth read the incoming message. The Boss wants to see him. He’s got a new gig. Seth got up, grabbed his jacket and walked pass the dimly lit bedroom. Megan was sprawled on the bed. She looked like she was sleeping, the shadow of the room partially hidden her grotesque expression. Something glittered on her neck. Seth knew what it was a silver necklace and locket with the inscription “Seth and Megan forever”. She had made him bought for her last Christmas; it had cost him a small fortune. “Forever sure was short!” he chuckled to himself. He wondered if he could sell it or maybe he could have it melted down to make a new ring for that bartender he met last week. No point in wasting good jewellery. He’s gonna have to take care of the body later, he need to see Boss first. Seth started humming to himself and walked out the door.
The month of Ramadan is here again. We’ve been fasting for almost two weeks now. Wow! Halfway there already…how time flies when you’re having fun...right… It should be how time flies when you’ve got assignments to finish or how time flies when you’re cramming for quizzes, how time flies when, well, you’ve got the idea. Well, just the other day Mr Jaferi told us to write something, anything about the fasting month. I’ve been staring at the screen for several hours now, trying to come up with something. At the rate I’m going I now, I don’t think I’ll finish by sahur time. Sigh…such perfect timing for writer’s block. I’m going back to balik kampong tomorrow…(oops, it’s already pass 12 midnight so technically it’s today) to celebrate the fasting month with my family. And I don’t plan on thinking about this blog or any other work while I’m away so I have to finish writing this blog entry by…well, by now actually.
It would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to go home today, but I’ve already promised my mum I would. Way before the start of the fasting month she had expertly and cunningly extracted a promise from me that I would spend at least 1 weekend at home during Ramadan, excluding the time off we get before Raya of course. I guess if it was up to her, she would want me to come home every weekend. Tempting…but then again Ramadan is all about fighting temptations so I have to be strong. Sure, being home means you don’t have to wander aimlessly back and forth the Bazaar Ramadan, trying to decide what to eat and controlling yourself from buying literally everything. But the bazaar does have its charm. Nothing spells human camaraderie better than mingling your bucketfuls of sweats with hundreds of other people, all aiming for the same thing, something to quench the thirst and satisfy the hunger. As you shuffle your way through inch by inch, following the delicious aroma of the absurdly priced char kuey teow, you started to think that nothing helps to hone your patience like spending time at the bazaar. Not that ridiculously well organized and spacious one at section 17 mind you. Everyone having their own breathing space, every stall neatly arranged, where’s the fun in that? The one at section 18’s the real deal. Stalls arranged along a strip of road so narrow that it’s not uncommon to find yourself being suddenly accosted by other people’s arms,hips,shoulders and rear ends. Isn’t that exciting?
Speaking of bazaar Ramadan, I’ve listed some tips to make shopping experience more enjoyable:
1.There are usually two lanes of human traffic, going the opposite way from one end of the bazaar to the other. Choose the lane you wish to follow and brace yourself for the awesome ride.
2.If you'd missed the stall that you wish to stop at, stay in your lane until you get to the end, then follow the other one to go back to the stall. Think of the journey as a gastronomical experience.
3.Going against the flow of traffic is not reccomended. You could actually end up progressing much slower. Trying to push your way against the flow is like wrestling a brick wall.
4.Sometimes, when the traffic is heavy, a traffic jam may occur. This is when you find yourself stuck in one place, neither coming nor going. Stay calm and try to pass the time by daydreaming about what you’re going to have for berbuka puasa.
5.Be prepared for an attack on your senses, mainly sight, sound and smell. Amped up your defense or you could bite off more than you could chew.
6.If you’re looking for a bargain, go to the bazaar about 5 minutes before berbuka. Some give discounts, or if you’re lucky, you might get food stuff for free. (Try to act as if you’ve just finished your class. Students generally get more sympathy)
One of my favourite fictional characters is from Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, Rand al’Thor. I’ve followed the development of this character from the first book when he was just a young, naïve farmboy,to the 11th book where he now held the power and influence equal to or more than a king.
Why I like him? Well, there are several reasons for that. One of them is the enigma surrounding him, like his origin for example. As a baby, he was found abandoned near a scene of a bloody battlefield. His adopted father Tham al’Thor found Rand’s dying mother and she entrusted Rand to his care. All that was known about her (at that time) was that she was one of those called the Maiden of the Spears, a group of highly skilled and much feared female warriors, and had fought bravely in the battle. Rand was the only survivor. Tham brought Rand home to a small isolated village called Emond’s Field and raised him as his own. No one else suspects anything much less Rand himself who was happy being a shepherd. When his village was attack however, Tham was forced to reveal the secret. Rand then decided to travel to seek his destiny and find out more about his parents.
Another aspect of him that I find both funny and frustrating is his love life. Early in the series, it was prophesied that he would fall in love with 3 very different women. A princess, a former Maiden of the Spears and a tomboy. The 3 women had known about the prophecy early on and they took some time to contemplate the situation and how to deal with it. However Rand had no idea about it and he often felt guilty and confused over his feelings for all 3 women whom he loved differently. He loved the princess Elayne, because of her beauty and grace. He loved the former warrior, Aviendha for her determination and courage and he loved Min because of her compassion and understanding. It’s funny that he could face an army of a thousand soldiers alone but he could never get the nerve to confront the women and discussed his feelings for them He could talk to head of nations and gets away with anything but he always felt awkward around the women and didn’t know how to handle them. In fact he often runs away from them, complicating his relationships much further. His background as a shepherd often makes him feel inferior to the women. Unbeknownst to him, the women felt more ill at ease around him because they felt that he is very smart and often gets the best of them, making them more helplessly in love with him. His clueless demeanor despite his confidence and courage in other aspects endear him to me as it shows the rare side of his insecurities despite his tough and confident appearance.
Being the reluctant savior of the world, Rand fought many battles with his trusted friends and allies at his side. One of his most powerful allies is the Maidens who felt strongly connected to him as his mother was one of them. What hurts him is when the Maidens died in battles. He understands that it was inevitable and the Maidens themselves consider it an honour to die for him. However he took it very hard and he vowed not to let another woman die for him. However, the Maiden consider it an insult when he would not let them fight for him. After every battle, he will go around the dead and commit the name of the dead Maidens into his heart. This way he felt that he could let them live on in his memories. He often recites the list of names to himself to remind himself the prize he has to pay for being a leader. I find this very fascinating because I see it is a jab at the leaders of the world. The soldiers are the ones sacrificing their lives for these leaders and their deaths are most often than not brushed aside by the leaders. Rand is always faced with the difficult choice of protecting his followers or letting them fight for him. A part of him recognizes the logic, they are in war and casualties are the norm. Yet he felt guilty for leading these people into their deaths. This did not make him any less efficient as a leader. Instead it made him a better one because he weights his every decision carefully for fear of making the wrong one and causing the deaths of his followers.
His followers either fear him or highly worship him. Those who are in the first category dare not defy him because they fear his temper while those who worship him are too in awe to question his actions. However there are a select few who sees him as a normal human being. They are not afraid to point out his mistakes and reproach him when he goes too far and unsurprisingly these are the people that he trusts the most. I like the fact that Rand did not let power cloud his judgement.
All in all, Rand is one of my favourite characters because of the different layers of his personality which at times confuse both his allies and enemies. At times he is a fearless leader who will stop at nothing to win the war, but he also fears for the safety of his family, friends and followers. Sometimes he is confident and knows exactly what he wants, while at other times he is clueless about what to do and doubts his ability. These conflicts make him real and relatable to the reader because these are common issues we deal with in our life regardless of who we are.
My love affair with books began at an early age. I don’t quite remember exactly when I was first introduced to books, but it must have been around age 1 or 2. Of course I couldn’t read on my own yet. My parents used to read for me. My first books were about Disney characters, Aladdin, Sleeeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White. They filled my mind with images of princesses, castles, magical creatures. I would go to my mum and make her read it. After she finished it, I would go up to my dad and make him read it. Then I would go to my mum again. I kept going back and forth between them. It used to drive them nuts. I guess anyone who had to read Cinderella for hundreds of times a day would go crazy too. It must have been quite a relief for them when I finally learn to read on my own.
My early years were filled with books from Enid Blyton. I didn’t have much choice in the matter actually because I lived in quite a small town and there are no major book retailers available. There are some small bookstores in my hometown but it mostly caters to revision books. The few storybooks that they do carry are those from Enid Blyton.
During this time, since I have no means of getting books on my own, I had to rely on my mum to satisfy my thirst for reading. She was an avid reader herself and has a collection of books from authors like Azizi Hj. Abdullah, A. Samad Said, Shahnon Ahmad and mostly from her favourite author Khadijah Hashim. One of the most important books for me comes from her collection. It is “Konserto Terakhir” by Abdullah Hussain. I first read it in primary school, probably around the age of 10, and immediately fell in love with it. It opens up a new world for me, a rich world of Malay Literature. The novel also marks my transition from reading children and teenage novels to reading more “mature” books. The novel is full of social comments, but naturally when you were 10 you have no idea about the underlying meaning of the novel. All I know is that the book is so beautifully written that I had a hard time putting it down. Over the years, I would go back to it again and again. Sadly, the book went missing several years ago so I had not the chance to relive the experience again. Soon after finishing the book,I immediately started to devour my mother’s collection and read books like Seorang Tua di Kaki Gunung and Saga. If I had not started with Konserto Terakhir, I would have probably never thought of reading the other books.
When I was in secondary school, I hate going to assemblies. So I used to hide out in the library, a damp dark place that noone hardly ever goes to. This is the setting of my encounter with the 2nd book that is important to me. While browsing through the dusty shelves for something to read, I stumbled across a nondescript looking book titled “The Daughter of Time” by Josephine Tey. For lack of anything else to do in that tomb of a place,I started reading it. The story of a modern day detective trying to solve a mystery from hundreds of years ago is very intriguing. The book is important because it helped shape my interest for the historical fiction genre as well as fuelled my fascination with medieval England. Most of all, the book introduces me to one of the greatly misunderstood character in history, Richard III, a king of England who later became one of the most hated man in all of England. He has such an impact on the literary world that even Shakespeare wrote a play about him. He was the ultimate medieval villain. Shakespeare portrayed Richard as a grotesque monster and killer, and that is how the world in general views him. However in Daughter of Time, these misconceptions are challenged through historical evidences. Shakespeare served Queen Elizabeth whose grandfather took over the throne from Richard III. Of course he would paint the usurper in a favourable light. Historical truth has no chance when competing with the coveted favour of the queen. This book helped me realise that you can’t believe everything you read and that some author have no qualms about twisting facts to serve their needs.
Those are the two books that are very important to me, in regards to my reading habit. Konserto Terakhir helped me appreciate Malay Literature while The Daughter of Time teaches me that there are different sides of the so called history of the world. Some people may view certain events differently, so it's always good to keep your mind open, listen to all opinions and views and make the an informed, independent choice of your own.